Sunday, April 11, 2010

Reality Reproach

OK, here we go, time for a full-blown rant. I typically try not to do this, but very few things bother me as much as Reality shows. I hate slow drivers, slow walkers, the obvious, stupid people, bad reception, idiot waiters, and being asked “credit or debit,” but not nearly as much as I hate Ax-Men. And in fact, more than I hate ax men, I hate that there's also a show called American loggers. Which for all intents and purposes, is exactly the same thing. I hate that people like these shows and actually sign up to go on them, knowing that only disgrace can follow. I don’t care nearly enough about catching crabs in order for me to tune in every week, let alone for a second and third season. However, someone must, because everywhere I turn im bombarded by “Fresh Meat,” or “Celebrity Apprentice.” Fuck off. I mean literally I can stroll down the guide on my T.V. and find about thirty different reality shows at any time of the day, all equally unreal, that all suck in the exact same way. We watch some terribly scripted melodrama play out, then get the play-by-play in the form of a confessional from all involved parties, as if I need some retard to break down for me why he pulled the dumb sluts hair. I also like to point out that the only formula for making a reality show, is to employ Murphy’s Law, you know: “anything that can go wrong will go wrong,” because truly, shit is always fucked in those shows. Im supposedly watching the best loggers in the business, but it seems as if they can’t get their act together for two minutes. If your pussy of a son doesn’t deserve to be out there loggin’ with the big boys, then send his bitch ass home, don't cry about it to the confessional camera, while you wait for him to grow a pair. But inevitably, by the end of the episode, the same son who was as useless as tits on a bull, pulls through and shows his true colors as a logger; all is saved and production can continue on without a hitch, until next week that is, when I predict of one the generators will go out, threatening to tank the entire business, but due to some last minute heroics, all is saved. Its almost to the point where I’d rather they start the episode from the end, and then proceed to show us how everything turned to such shit. I mean, It’s not like we don't know what was going to happen anyways, because if you’ve seen one reality show, you’ve seen em’ all. This goes as far as to say, that taking an episode of “Keeping up With the Kardashians,” and applying the same plot arc, you’ve seen an episode of “the bachelor.” It’s the same old bullshit, day in and day out. In fact, the networks know its bullshit, but they still put it on, because some amongst us want to see real housewives, as apposed to fake ones. As always, someone will attempt to vouch for one of these garbage programs and say, “oh but this one isn’t like the others, it’s actually good, have you even seen it?” Holy fuck! No I have not seen it, and I don’t need to. I have no desire to watch how disgraceful a person can be to his or her own race, let alone man kind as a whole. With each new show that comes out pushing the “trash” limit way past it’s previous resting point, we end up with a disgusting picture how tasteless we are as a people. We yearn to see fights in bars and blow-ups on the job site. Why, because our own lives aren’t shitty enough? Must be, because we choose to watch the epitome of trash make her mother proud by doing challenges in an attempt to win the heart of a bi-sexual Asian midget with big tits. This must really make some feel good on the inside, to know that your not that person; and I see the merit in that, I just feel like the same way Barry Bonds is a bad look for baseball, Snooki, and any “real” person like here, is a bad look for man kind. Imagine what Europe would say…

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