Monday, April 5, 2010

Feelin' Right, Right Now

I am writing this right now at 6:51 on Easter Sunday. I have eaten about 6 lbs. of food, and I’m half-heartedly watching the women’s final four game, between UConn and Baylor. I am in my bed, but I have not yet taken off my clothes, and by the looks of things, it might be a while. With the sound of rain in the background lulling me further into a comatose state, I doubt that I will get up for the rest of the night. Every breath is a deep one, and all my senses have been lessened to a virtual inexistence. My eyes heavy, and my motions slow; I can hardly be considered conscious, but I’m happy. In fact, there is very little that could improve my mood, for at this moment, I am exactly where I want to be. Perhaps it would be nice to have someone to share it with, but currently im fine by myself. It’s as if im dreaming while awake, constantly drifting back and forth between the real world, and the lucid reality hidden behind my eyelids. In a moment like this, writing is easy. The words flow through my body, from my mind to my fingers, with the greatest of ease. Like the appendages of Mozart, my hands move freely without question and without hesitation, every word is felt, and not feared; believed, and not questioned. I can allow myself to just simply be, without contemplating my own ontological existence, and questioning my every action. It may seem as if this feeling might be easy to come by, and for some it may be; but as I sit here now and write this, I can honestly tell you it’s the best I’ve felt in months. If perfect were a reality, and not just an indefinable idea, this would be the closest I could get. You see this is a superlative kind of feeling, characterized by a Zen-like kind of calm we can only hope to achieve. We know it exists, for we have felt it before, but when we attempt to recreate this mood, it eludes us every time. We are left disappointed and perturbed, wondering why we cant live every second in this surreal realm, why we cant relax. But I do not fret; in fact, I think it would be impossible right now to worry about anything. I might throw a movie on in a bit, and allow myself to drift away into a deep sleep. Hopefully I don't fall asleep to fast however, because then I will have missed out. I will have failed to soak up every moment of bliss, as to saturate my soul with this current frame of mind, in hope that it might roll over into tomorrow. For I am smart enough to know that this feeling doesn’t come around too often, so cherish it. Consider that you’re like me, and you see a world that appears to be resoundingly negative. You attempt to relish any moment you experience surrounded by positive; and hold on to it for as long as you can, because there's no telling when you’ll be feeling this good again.

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