I went to a garage sale today; looking to better myself, looking to get rich off the resale of cheap shit.
The goal: buy as high quality of items as possible, for as little a price as possible.
The plan: to show up with an ample stack of ones, and start makin it rain like April showers; just to see some May flowers.
The easy part about this is of course, the low price part. With every item priced to go, $10 does a lot of damage at your local basement bazaar. The hard part? Items of quality. Seeing not a single price tag my pocket change can’t get the best of, one doesn’t expect to find much of outstanding quality. No truer an observation has ever been made. Upon entrance, the aroma of useless shit smacks you in the face, like the random girl you just met, and decided to invite to party with you in the club bathroom. After a promising craigslist ad, and an hour drive early morning to Scotts Valley, I was mesmerized at the astounding amount of complete garbage. Uninterested in a not one, but two VHS copies of the original BATMAN, nor an eclectic smattering of various paperback works by the likes of Dean Koontz, James Patterson, or Michael Crichton; I was left with little to thumb through. Interestingly enough, the people responsible for this makeshift goodwill, claimed to be sending all of the profits to Mexico, to build a house. Wonderful, now because I have a conscience, I must buy something, lest my soul burn in hell for denying some expecting Mexican family shelter. A shelter, of course, that will be constructed with the lofty profits that im sure were risen today, by this self-less family of righteous morals, and outstanding goodwill. Bullshit. If I too had 15 Van Heusen wool sweaters from the Desert Storm era, and the full catalog of KIDZ BOP taking up wanted space in my home; I would also go out of my way, to inform the unsuspecting public that the proceeds from today’s useless shit sale, will be building a girls learning center in Mozambique, all $200 of it.
So what did I come away with? Well, an interesting collection of items to say the least. After sifting though bullshit for about 20 minutes, I manage to find some children’s dirt biking pants that seemed to be of high quality. Upon using my Iphone to search eBay for an accurate resale value, and with a price $2, I deemed them a steal. Next: a skim board. Another eBay search; another steal at their $5 dollar asking price. Lastly, I found some children’s field hockey equipment priced at $3 that couldn’t possibly sell for any less (apparently, once their kid decided to give up a life of “bro” sports and turn to video games like the rest of the countries youth, they decided $10 dollars would be an appropriate asking price for the remnants of their sons dreams gone awry.) After paying my due, I was on my way; my plan to turn a nickel into a dime, one step away from completion. I cant say that I had an experience to match the saying about one mans trash, but I can say I came away with something. Which im sure was the real goal of the homeowners: to not fail miserably, to sell nothing and have to move all that nonsense back inside, but instead, to at least sell something, which they did.