Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Oh shit, get down!

INT. TANFORAN MALL – NIGHTIME (TUESDAY)

After raiding the Surf City squeeze samples a good nine times, Charles Thorton and Marcus Benson are window-shopping near Hollister. Charles spots a familiar face off in the distance.

CHARLES

Oh Shit!!

MARCUS

What man?

C

Fuckin Ben man! We gotta turn around!

M

The fuck you talking about, were goin to Shoe Palace.

C

No were not. Look! Ben is over there man. He can’t see me. I don't want to talk to him and shit.

M

Oh god… are you fucking kidding me? Seriously?

C

Serious as cancer bro, we gotta bail!

Just as they were about to take evasive maneuvers (serpentine running patterns and such) Ben turns right at them and locks on. On approach, Ben appears ready to play some verbal ping-pong.

BEN

Oh Shiiiiiiittt! Charles and Marcus, my dudes… Whoa… damn… Its been a minute…

I don't think I have to finish this scene. You get the point. Obviously, fake names were used in a fake situation, yet it’s oh-so real. Seeing someone you don't want to see is amongst the most maddening of events that can occur during your day. It’s a millennia old problem, an inconvenience experienced all throughout history. You can never be sure who’s going to pop up where. We live in a world, where virtually anyone can be anywhere, at any moment; I'm told it’s quite small… You could be minding your own business in Target, and within the blink of an eye, you are fielding questions about “what you been up to?” and “what school do you go to?” from the kid who left halfway through 7th grade. As if what I’ve been up to still has anything to do with him. Almost as if you even liked this person half as much as they think you do. I'm not talking about your friends or family, or anyone else who isn’t a hindrance to run into; im talking about the person who you know, wantsto run into you. I'm talking about the kid from your sophomore English class who thought you were Jesus Christ incarnate, while you were only mildly entertained by his uber-nerdy antics. The type of person who could possibly be the subject of one a personal inside joke, which only you know the punch line to. However you may be acquainted with this person, you don’t want to talk to him/her; you’re not acquainted like that. On another page entirely, they nonchalantly overstep the line separating a nod, accompanied by a what’s up; from a to-the-side, one on one. Sitting patiently, these human landmines are scattered all over any given public setting, waiting to slaughter an unsuspecting victim. Murder weapon: conversation. It’s an unfortunate fate for those who entered Target to get only white-tees and wife-beaters, but instead, got 5-minutes of conversation so awkward you walk away with cramps. To avoid this problem we will go to great lengths. I have seen grown men pull their hood up over their head and stare at the ground, waiting for verbal confirmation that the threat has passed. I’ve been known to go the long way to avoid a possible run-in with one of these individuals. I'm not sure what to collectively call this group of people, because I think everyone is one of these people, depending on whom you’re asking. I don't care who you are, or how highly you regard yourself, someone doesn’t want to run into you in the mall.

No comments:

Post a Comment